Already Dead
by andthencomes
Summary: Having it all isn't worth having anything without having somebody to share it with. She struggled with mental illness for years, but when he left it won, leaving her in shambles. She's come to Charming to start over but what happens when the ones that left her behind are there front and center. Is he worth it? More importantly, is she worth it?


IIt's going down, I'm yelling timber./I

Another boring night at the bar, Devon Parker sits awkwardly while her identical twin sister sucks face for the umpteenth time this evening with, uh, what's his name again? Luke? Charles? John? Kip? Yea, Kip. That's it. At least he's kind of cute, a little scrawny for Devon's taste but he would do just fine for Lucy, ha. Anything with a set of lips would do for Lucy.

Devon gives her sister the death stare, poking her in her bony shoulder. At least Devon wasn't a bag of bones, that was the one difference between the two of them. Lucy didn't eat, and it wasn't because she didn't want to, Lucy was, well just forgetful and she would much rather drink her calories then eat them. Oh, and lazy. Lucy was incredibly lazy, Devon couldn't pay her sister all the money in the world to exercise.

Not that Devon was some body builder or anything, in fact quite the opposite. For years, now, don't laugh, but Devon had been apart of the circus, ICirque Du Soleil /I She was a contortionist. She did that for a very long time, well, until her accident, until she had to have her hip replaced, but that story is for another time. Needless to say, it landed her here. b Charming, California. /b For some reason, New York just wasn't good enough for her twin. It had never been, something else dragged her here. It had been years since they had seen each other and then this, a suicidal sister, love sick and alone. She hadn't even bothered to tell her sister about Carlos, what would she care, she couldn't even remember what flavor of the week she was on.

Not so charming, is it? She'd only recently been cleared by the doctor to resume normal activities, which included her opening up a yoga studio in town but she had already jumped right back into the swing of things, obviously she was in no condition to get back to the circus, not that she even really wanted to go back, yoga would just have to do for now. Well, hiring yoga instructors. She still wasn't limber enough yet. She liked being near her sister, even if that meant watching her suck face night after night with Kit Kat, or whatever the fuck his name was. Now, don't get her wrong. She actually really liked Kip, but as soon as they started drinking this was all their evening entailed.

Not tonight though, tonight they were going to a party. Kip's birthday party actually. Well, they were supposed to be going to be a party an hour ago, but they'd gotten so caught up in each other's mouths that they had forgotten to call whoever Kip's friend was until now.

"Luc! Come on!" She groaned, only earning a middle finger from Lucy. "I can't sit here a moment longer, watching the two of you makes me sick." Actually, it made her jealous. Devon hadn't had a date in, well, not since her accident, not since her boyfriend, Carlos, well, Juan Carlos dropped off the face of the earth. I guess I should explain further after all. Her accident was no accident, She had been practicing for months, trying to perfect tightrope walking, Carlos had stopped picking up the phone, soon his number was disconnected. She'd hidden from her mental illness for a very long time, very well actually to everyone except Lucy, until that ill fated night. He didn't even call when it happened, he left her behind like everyone else.

She had gone on a drinking bender after finding their New York loft abandoned, she could still remember herself calling his name over and over. She can still remember his voice, the look on his sweet but angry, Puerto Rican face the last time she saw him.

I"Dee, Please. I can't deal with this shit anymore. Its either me or them. I can't wait around here, I got nothing left. Just you and you're never fucking here."

"This job of mine that you hate so much, this job pays our fucking bills, Carlos. It puts a roof over our god damn heads." She hollered, looking up at him. "Don't you hate on me for finding a way to make this work. I don't see you wracking in anything."

"I'm out, Dee. Clearly, this is your choice."

"Please." She mumbled softly, "I'm going to be late for practice, Can we continue this later?."

"Goodbye." He says, staring at the door. /I

She shrugged away at the thought of the rest of that memory, she wasn't doing this tonight. Tonight she was going to let loose, tonight she would allow herself to have fun. She had to. She deserved this.

"Alright, alright. Lets go, don't get your panties in a bunch. Dee, Juice is here." Her sister giggles, looking down at her buzzing phone screen, she throws her platinum blonde hair over her shoulder. That was another thing that set the two apart, Lucy insisted on dying her hair that awful piss color blonde. Devon refused to dye her hair, which was a natural strawberry blonde, okay so, actually she was a red head but she will always swear up and down that she has a soul.

"What the fuck is a juice?." Devon responds, rising from the uncomfortable bar stool. She takes a final swig of her Redbull and Vodka, throwing a twenty down on the counter.

The two of them fall after her, giggling like small children. "Ugh." She mutters, rolling her eyes. They reach a black Suburban, Kip not even trying to get into the front seat, the two love birds get into the back leaving Devon to sit next to a complete stranger.

Shrugging, she opens the door to the blacked out car, but when she looks up her heart nearly falls from her chest. It had been months and yet the feeling in her chest stabbed through her like a thousand wounds. This mystery man looked so much like her Carlos, She felt herself grow weak in the knees.

"You okay?" The tall man speaks with a New Yorker accent, leaning over he offers her his tattooed arm to pull her in. Ugh, one thing she hated more than anything, tattoos.

"Carlo?" She whispered.

"Juan Carlos actually, but everyone calls me Juice." He pulls back his arm, "Come on, we gotta go." When she doesn't move he turns around in his seat, her chest flexing in his form fitting white t-shirt. "You okay?" He says, acting as if this was all normal, and as if they had never once been so close.

"Stop staring, Dev." She hears Lucy giggle, "Its nothing, she's fine." She speaks quickly, before moving her lips back to Kip.

"It's fine, you just look like somebody I used to know, that's all." Devon mutters, getting into the car without another sound, her eyes transfixed on this man.

"You know, staring is frowned upon in forty-eight of the fifty-two states." He jokes, pulling out of the parking lot.

"Can I smoke in here?" Devon boldly pulls out her pack of cigarettes, not bothering to wait for his response. She continues to stare at him, her mind completely boggled. Other than the tattoos and his silly hair, its him down to the t. She hears the sounds of lips touching in the backseat, unbothered by their prepubescent hook up for the first time.

"So, you and Lucy are twins. That's pretty cool. I always wanted one of those as a kid." IYou know I'm a fucking twin,/I she thinks to herself.

"Yeah, I guess. We aren't anything alike." The car comes to a stop, "Lucy go inside, I want to talk to Juice." Devon speaks louder this time, her sister taking the cue to exit with Kip.

"I mean, I guess." Juice says, reaching across from her to grab her cigarette. He brings it to his lips, taking a small puff. "You know these things will kill ya, right?"

"I'm already dead." She mumbles, her eyes moving from his eyes, to his large nose, and even to his lips. "Just shut up."

"Listen..." Juice mumbles, taking a deep puff of the cigarette.

"You know my fucking sister." Devon whispers, crossing her arms over her chest. "So, you know I've been here all along and you didn't bother to come see me? I lost my fucking mind without you."

"Devon, its not that easy man. I just got patched into the club. I didn't want to fuck anything up.." Juice flicks out the cigarette, rolling the car windows up.

"I can't believe you." She can feel tears brimming in her eyes again. IDon't cry, you big idiot./I

"Hey, hey. It's okay. I'm here now. You look like you could use a hug." He suggests, stepping out of the car. He practically runs to the other side, opening the passenger side door for her.

She steps out quietly, not saying anything she wraps herself in his arms. He smells of whiskey and cigarettes, nothing like her Carlos but continues to breath him in anyways. "Thank you." She whispers, pulling her head into his chest. "But I don't need you anymore." He wraps his muscular arms around her, ignoring the hooting and hollering of his buddies. "Stay far away from me." She whispers, "This is too much." She pulls herself away from him, ignoring the stares of the others and his mouth practically hanging in disbelief. I What a head case. /I

soasoasoasoasoasoasoa

"Jax Teller." A voice beside her says, "At your service." She turns to face the blonde, giggling as she feels his arm slide behind her barstool.

"Hi, Jax. Call me Dev, Devon, DD, Dee, Deeds, whatever." She says, bringing a shot of Patron to her lips. "Where's Kipper with my sister?"

"You mean, Sack?" He says, grinning devilishly at her. Jax rubs the side of her bare arm, peaking down the low cut V-neck she's wearing. "I'm sure the birthday boy is keeping her very entertained." He leans over, bringing his lips to the stranger's ear. "I can help you find her if you'd like." He lets his lips linger there, causing the drunk girl to blush.

Devon rolls her eyes, "I'm sure you could lover boy, but I'm not interested in finding her, I just want to get out of here." She says, standing up, her muscles loose for the first time in forever. She looks across the room to Carlos, or Juice or whatever the fuck he's going by these days. She feels herself swaying slightly as she moves. I Damn hip. /I

"You okay, Darlin'?" Jax asks, standing up to brace her.

"Yeah, sorry. I have a bad hip." Her cheeks flush, not wanting to further go into it.

"It's all good, Dee. Come with me." He says loudly over the music, reaching for the lean girl's hand. She looks over to Juice, grinning as they cross paths. Jax's hand lets go of hers, instead grabbing onto her waist lightly as they move. "Wouldn't want you take a tumble."

"Fuck you." Juice grunts, "This is not happening, Devon. This is my club, these are my people!" He exclaims grabbing onto her arm harshly. He pulls her away from Jax's grasps.

"I am not your property, Juice." She laughs, trying to pull herself away from him. Despite this whole thing, she's partly turned on. I guess that's why she's so fucked up, no matter what its just him.

"Oh, you're not?" Juice grabs the bottom of her shirt, pulling up to expose the small tattoo she had on her ribs, a pocket watch, open faced, with the gears exposed. This is exactly why she hated tattoos, they were permanent. Nothing could ever rid her of him, "The corner there, you see that? That's my fucking name, Teller. My old lady, so back the fuck off." Its only then that Juice notices the small scars along her abdomen and side.

"Old lady? What is this 1974? You abandoned me, Carlos. Or did you fucking forget?" Devon speaks in a hushed tone, trying her hardest to keep her nerves at rest.

"Look, I don't know what is going on between the two of you all but here isn't the place to do it. I guess I'll take a rain check, Darlin'." Jax pinches her side, pulling down her shirt for her. He notices the scars along her side, silently wondering if Juice did that to her.

"We should go talk." He finally suggests, after grabbing the two of them a beer. "Please."

"I'm not going anywhere with you." Devon spits, taking the beer from his hand. She walks away from him quickly, away from the club and out the doors, not sure if he will follow. "I can hear you breathing." She says, shaking her head. They walk together in silence for a while.

"Follow me." He instructs her, which she reluctantly does. "Up here." He points to a ladder, pulling it down slightly. "Come on." He says once he's half way up.

"Juan, I can't." She says, her head falling, gaze moving to the ground.

"Come on, you never were afraid of heights before." He calls down to her, "Don't be afraid."

"I said, I can't. Okay?!" She finally says, her voice breaking. She could feel the tears coming on.

Juice climbs back down the ladder, guiding her by the small of her back over to a picnic table. "What's going on with you? What aren't you telling me?"

"I'm not an acrobat anymore." She finally admits, defeated. "After you left, I stopped taking my meds. I lost my mind, I tried to kill myself. I didn't want a life without you. You just, you wouldn't answer the phone. I jumped from fifty feet in the air, crushed the entire left side of my pelvis. I'm twenty six and I've had a hip replacement, Juan." She feels the tears falling against her cheeks but doesn't seem to care. "The only reason why I'm not still in New York is because my sister came back for me. Even then you didn't answer the calls, I needed you."

"Devon, its not that easy. When I came here and I became apart of SAMCRO it became my life, had I known your sister was linked to them or even about your sister I would have stayed far away. Fuck, Dee. I didn't know any of this. She didn't even tell anyone she had a twin until you came to town and she's been trying to keep you out, I literally had to beg her to make this happen." Juice goes to grab her arm, which for the first time in a long time she doesn't pull away.

"You had to have known something happened to me, I needed you and you weren't there." She rubs her eyes gently with her free hand, "You left me, took all of your shit, and bounced."

"You were never home, I didn't have shit going for me there other than you. I just, I had to do something for me. I have a family now, Devon. Don't you see that, these are my fucking brothers." He pulls her closer to him, "This is my home now and now that you're here, everything is complete. Baby girl, I could have never forgotten about you."

"You should have called." Devon mumbles, her cheeks "You had to have known, you're not that fucking stupid." Her cheeks flushed red, firmly pressed against his chest. "Don't you dare let me go." Devon whispers, bringing her arms around his middle tightly.

"I wasn't planning on it, babe." Juice's hand goes to cup her face, causing Devon to stiffen.

"Don't you dare kiss me." She mumbles, looking up at him for the first time in what feels like forever. He goes to close the space between them, but she pushes him away. "Goodnight, Juan." She pulls away from him in an instant, making her way back towards the clubhouse, she doesn't look back.

Standing by the doorway to the clubhouse is Jax, leaning back against the paved wall. "You wanna get out of here?" She suggests.

Jax points over to his Dyna, "Lets ride."


End file.
